I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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