College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
try to milk me bitch
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