New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
