dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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