Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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