I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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