New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
