i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
