when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
