ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
