dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize