break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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