umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
