If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
