She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just gargled with NyQuil
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
