We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize