I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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