if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
