i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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