you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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