dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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