do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
