Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize