she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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