i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
