also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well I just put wine in my tea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
