maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize