This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
