We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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