Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize