So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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