3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drake has all the answers
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
