Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
