My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
