Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
