after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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