hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
