im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
