sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
farters have to be the big spoon...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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