Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
