Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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