If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
