so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
