did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize