if i can run in heels then i can drive
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
