i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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