I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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