So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
send nudes
from the living room?
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