can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
