It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize