Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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