Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize