I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
