Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
