Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Never underestimate the power of titties
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
