Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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