meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
