the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
