Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
