If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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