maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize