my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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