remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
