I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
