how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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