ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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