Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
