those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Vodka?
Forever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
