I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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