Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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