??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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