I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
