Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
