omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize