yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
