i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
