i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
