Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
