32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
