Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
