Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
