I wish they made helmets for livers.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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