i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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