textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
