Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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