I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i've created a new STD.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
