her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
