I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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