have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im holly from the hills drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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