The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
